To my unborn child or children, I write this rant very enraged but there are lessons to be taught/learned. I have been burned( not in an STD way) twice over the last 3 and a half years by relationships. These things bring a type of emotional pain that is very hard to describe. So, I have prepared a list of four things to look out for in dealing with a friend or significant other.
Heed to the writing on the wall
It takes time to truly get to know someone. But when you get to know a person, there are certain characteristics about them that begin to reveal what kind of person she/he is. You start to get to know how they think. You see how act or react in certain situations, and it gives you a clue into how they will act in other similar situations. I think that I’ve done a great job of being able to truly see people for who they really are after being around them for some time. Maya Angelou, a famed poet, has a quote. She says, ” When people show you who they are, believe them.” This is what your father has failed to do early on in his adult life. I have seen the writing on the wall with everyone that I have dealt with, and I have ignored the writing. I have a great friend circle that constantly gives me advice and encourages me to be the best person that I can be. They warn me. When I see the writing on the wall and we discuss, they warm me what the consequences are for ignoring facts. Your father has a big heart, and I really hate to stereotype people. When I see the tell tell signs of disaster in a person’s character, I give a person a chance to prove themselves. I figure its wrong to stereotype people, and they may just surprise you. Although my philosophy of giving people a chance is sound logic, the reality has not been kind to me at all. So, I say to you when you realize that something major isn’t right with someone be cautious.
Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth
“Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth”- Mike Tyson.
My child/children, Mike Tyson isn’t know for being the most philosophical person on earth but that quote is one of my favorites. This quote is a sheer reality that you will come across in life. It means that everyone has a planned until something unexpected happens. Its how you respond to the unexpected that will define your character. Your grandfather graduated from high school with a 3.6 GPA, but he couldn’t afford to get into Southern University. He never gave up on his dream to go to college, so he planned accordingly. He enlisted himself in the army for three years to save money and use military benefits to pay for school. I’m sure you’ll know by the time you read this that he went on to become a lawyer and earn three degrees. He lead the way for his three younger brothers to earn their degrees as well. You see? Your grandpa faced something called adversity. Adversity is something that everyone faces in their life at one time or another. Adversity is defined by dictionary.com as “adverse or unfavorable fortune or fate; a condition marked by misfortune, calamity, or distress:.” Under the definition, it reads, “Friends will show their true colors in times of adversity.” The problem is my child/children that some people either haven’t went through enough adversity or they’ve always had their adversity handled for them. This cripples a person because they wont know how to adequately respond to adversity when its hit them. How your friends/significant others respond in times of adversity is one of the writings that appear on the wall. It is very important. Your grandfather could have folded, but he grew up poor. There was no father figure in a house with 7 siblings, and his mom cleaned house for a living. His whole life was filled with adversity but he rose above it. Stay away from people who are quick to fold in the face of adversity. They may be well meaning people, but they may ultimately hold you back in life.
“Excuses are tools of the incompetent which create monuments of nothingness. Those who specialize in them are seldom good in anything….” –-Author Unknown-
“Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses.”– George Washington Carver
“People who fail in life are people who find lots of excuses. It’s never too late for a person to recognize that they have potential in themselves. “– Ben Carson
This is probably the most important section in this rant, the excuses. I was raised by your grandparents to make as few excuses for myself as possible. When I made a bad grade, I couldn’t blame football practice. That class was something that I didn’t put enough effort into. When I got detention or suspension for misbehaving, I couldn’t say that this teacher didn’t like me. I shouldn’t have been sleeping, talking, texting, laughing during class. This was the nature of how I was raised. When I failed my safety test for the first time, I didn’t blame the fact that I had virtually no experience in the profession. I flat out said that I studied the wrong way. Excuses will hold you back from accomplishing anything that you want to do in life. Be careful when dealing with people because often people use excuses to hide their fear. People are scary and fearful. I don’t mean in a physical sense as if someone is going to pummel them. I mean they are scared to take a chance. They are scared of failure. They are scared of losing comfort. I left my family home in Baton Rouge to live in an apartment in Sacramento. I sleep on a donated futon, and my apartment doesn’t have lights through most of it. I understand that my times aren’t the best right now, and one mistake could have me on the next bus back to the bayou. But I am taking a chance to live the life that I truly want for myself. I am not afraid of failure. What I am afraid of is giving up. I make no excuses for my condition right now. Excuses are for the weak-minded, and I am not weak minded. My goals include: one day making enough money to where I don’t have to work a 9-5 and to become a politician. I will accomplish my goals. But if I don’t accomplish my goals, its my fault completely. I wont blame anyone else or say that anyway held me back. That is no way to operate my child.
Using God as an Excuse
You must realize that we come from a religious culture. Everyone uses religion when it suits their purpose. Some people use God as an excuse for their own failures. When they fail or a situation isn’t going the way they want it, its God’s will. But when times are good, these same people are not seen parading “that this is God’s will.” Good times come from their hard work, and bad times are signs from God but not failure. It is usually when adversity hits that the God card is drawn out for excuses. The God card is used to hide the truth. This can be annoying but it is a very serious subject. Tread carefully because its a sensitive subject, and you do not want to come off as a non believer. Just know what is foolishness and what is real. You’ll notice as you get to know people that this a go to excuse. When there were actions or other things that they clearly could have done to stop certain events from happening, they didn’t and their excuse is just “God’s will”. Its almost as if they don’t have free will.
What do you want?
What is it in life that you want out of a friend/ significant other? No one is perfect, but do they bring a certain element to your life that you can overlook certain flaws? That is an important question to ask yourself. Do they have attainable goals, and similar values if not similar interest? Can you see yourself dealing with this person on a daily basis for twenty years? Is person an ok person to have a child with? Right now, at the age of 24, I want someone that I can search for the “Great perhaps” with. I want someone who understands that life is a big adventure, and they aren’t afraid to go on this adventure with me. I want someone bold, with their own set of goals, but whose willing to meet me halfway. I don’t want crazy, I don’t want childish, I dont want scary, I dont want spoiled, and I don’t want the baddest bitch. I’m just looking for someone to go on this adventure with. Is that too much to ask for? I don’t think so. I’ve failed to find that person twice in my 20’s, but I don’t plan on giving up any time soon.